Because It Never Breaks Even...

Quick Poll: Can a guy and a girl ever be super close friends without one of them falling for each other?

It's been a thought project of mine for the semester. Half of my friends would probably say no and half of them would probably say yes. I've always believed yes, but now I've gone back and forth and am not too sure either way.

Oh and a Poem:

Love may speak of volumes,
Through the cracks of wrinkled skin,
Embedded deep within are the memories of life,
Happy moments intertwined with sadness of strife,

And though it is impossible to fathom,
Impossible to know,
The first smile would take us there,
And our first dance would bring us near,

Because now even walking is difficult,
And breathing is laborious,
The smile reveals cracked teeth,
But the eyes still sparkle the same,

The leaves fall representing the death of a season,
They freeze and crack; caught in the breeze,
I sneeze and smile, as you hack and wheeze,
Death be not proud, for death conquers all but one,

To die is to live, and to love is to die,
So hold on a while longer and laugh once more,
Sparkle as you did many years ago,
And show the light inside the dying eye,

And many think love looks like this or looks like that,
But can you paint love on a picture?
Or write about it in a poem?
Can you pick it up and hold it for a while?
As you squeeze it with the tip of your tongue?

Neigh it is impossible to say what it is,
Until one looks upon the wrinkled skin of a dying spouse,
Until one sees the leaves fall from a dying tree,
Until one gazes at the last sparkle of a twinkling eye,

Why I Love Christmas

It is difficult to pinpoint a single reason why Christmas is so great.

Yes, the Word hath become flesh and dwelt among us. We have beheld His glory. Objectively, this is the reason we must not forget. This truth is insatiable. We can pursue it’s meaning, but we can never fully grasp it. This is what makes truth True and beauty Beautiful. I do not devalue this statement and I contradict my opening statement, for this is the only reason as to why we even have Christmas.

Apart from this reason however, there are some things we can grasp that makes Christmas wonderful.

Egg Nog and Peppermint Ice Cream: Somehow, the holidays just are not complete without these two present. To not have either present is as egregious as not having birthday cake at a birthday party or no Turkey on Thanksgiving. I suppose I could just put food in general, but I thought it would be particularly special out these two favorites. :)

Children: Children just seem happier at this time of the year. I love watching the expression of children as they joyfully receive a new present. This is a time where they understand what it means to give and receive and maybe for once, you can trick a child into believe that Santa Claus really does exist. It is fun and their smiles are priceless. No matter what a child receives on Christmas morning, he will often act like Ralphie did when he received his Red Ryder BB Gun in A Christmas Story.

Family: There are happy family gatherings and there are awkward family gatherings. Either way, family members who may only see each other once a year get together for at least a day of fellowship. Spending time with extended family has always been a special memory for me when I was a child, so spending time with extended family is just a good feeling altogether.

Music: I don’t agree with the people who say Christmas music must be played at just Christmas time for it to mean something. I rebel and often play Christmas music during the middle of the year. That’s just how good Christmas music is. Nevertheless, it’s always extra special during the appropriate time of the year.

Love: Who actually knows what love (eros) is or what it looks like…but during the Christmas season, everyone just feels like they have to be extra romantic. Even if it’s cheesy or sometimes forced, I enjoy watching it. Romance is always fun to watch (unless you’re a Sigma couple on the couch). In case you think this particular section is about you or a particular person, you’re just wrong. Love is a beautiful thing for anyone. Maybe it’s the lights or the beautiful decorations or the smell of cider in the air; or maybe it’s the fact that we celebrate this holiday to remember the greatest act of love ever shown. May we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how to love a person more than yesterday, but less than tomorrow.

Home: Home has a new meaning now that I spend ¾ of my year at college. Christmas means being home. I can finally understand the power behind the lyrics for “I’ll Be Home For Christmas.” Being home on such a family driven holiday is so special it is sometimes indescribable. The feeling I get when I am home is often indescribable as well. I’ll leave it at that.

Don’t forget the baby in the manger, the holiness of Mary, the humility, the decent and the ascension of Christ.

But certainly don’t forget to enjoy your time with the family, to cherish your time at home, to love someone special a little more, to crank up the Christmas music louder than normal, to smile with the children who seem just a tad bit happier, and most surely, don’t forget the Egg Nog and the Peppermint Ice Cream.

Puer Aeternus

There is a strange fear about growing up. When I was five, grown up was a ten year old, and when I was ten, grown up was anyone over eighteen. To the high school student, college is scary, but to the college student, working a salary job might be considered scary. There is always a greater step to take or a more monumental accomplishment waiting to be fulfilled.

Time plays a large role in growing up. While the days pass on by at a regular rate of 24 hours/day, we sometimes wish that time would slow down or speed up at our own whim. Even sillier than wishing time to change for our desires is the idea that we are to be eternally young. Being eternally young sounds fun. Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes I wish my biggest concern would be to figure out how to color coordinate my legos instead of figuring out how to take out a loan to pay for college. It might even be easier to believe that the opposite gender still had cooties instead of having to break the heart of someone you have foolishly led on.

However, in growing up we obtain maturity and knowledge. The Apostle Paul urges the Christian to go past milk and consume spiritual meat. Modern Christian authors are always encouraging Christians to live past the basics and to do things that stretch their character and comfort zone. An 16 year old athlete trains harder than a 5 year old gymnast and the former pushes his or her body to the limit. Students must constantly push their mind at an increasing rate. And so in growing up, we see that there is a process and a maturity. We cannot be Peter Pan who believes that it is easier to be ‘Puer Aeternus (eternally young).’ We cannot be the 5 year old who fears failure so much that he does not dare to move past simple mathematics. And so we find that when we get to college, we certainly cannot be the student who fears the real world after graduation and fears taking risk and opportunity. Do hard things and learn new things. Watch those who have gone ahead of you and teach the younger generation. Grow up, but don’t take life too seriously. While it may be permissible to fear the challenge ahead of us at any stage of life, we must always be ready to embrace not just new opportunity, but the failing that often comes with growing up.

Christmas Eve Will Find You

I have thought a lot about this semester. A part of it has sped by way too fast, and a part of it went by way too slow. I have learned more about myself than ever. I have read more Theology than I ever thought I could have in three months. I have read Paul’s Epistles with a whole new understanding of unity, the Church, love, and suffering. All in all, I have been left with a lot of thought projects. I think one thing I have learned above all else is to complete your thought projects, so you don’t let them overwhelm you.

I suppose I could go on thinking about Calvinism, High Church, the Eucharist, and Beauty forever. Or I could come to the end of my wits and just spout my own creed about a certain Theological Topic. It might be premature, but it is also necessary to have an opinion on necessary theology. A wise professor once stated, “By the time you graduate college, you must have a Theological opinion about what you are studying.” Let us think when necessary, but let us decide eventually as well.

I am incredibly thankful for my family. It has been a blessing to go to the same school as Scott. I learn new things from him all the time and even when he makes mistakes, I am still learning from him. The best part about being his younger brother has been watching him grow up and make decisions. And now as he graduates college with high honors, I could not be more proud and happy to be a part of his life.

My mom is always encouraging me. I would say I love her for doing that…but then I would leave out the rest of the 101 reasons on why I love her. I believe encouragement is too undervalued. It really isn’t hard to encourage another person, yet I never do it enough. I often time want to be the first person to tell a friend I’m proud of them or that they look really amazing, but for some reason, it almost feels awkward to be too overly encouraging. Why is that? I don’t think it should ever be awkward to encourage another person. Paul was the master of encouragement when necessary and ‘harsh words’ when also necessary.

It saddens me that I am not a part of the Christmas season with my family. By the time I get home, Christmas is already less than a week away and I often feel that being at college forces you to forget the Christmas season. This year, however, Christmas may mean more than ever. The Word hath become flesh (John 1:14). Wow. That statement blows me away every time. The Christmas story is in Luke…but the story of Christ’s love for us shines the brightest in John 1. Reading authors such as Athanasius and Anselm and trying to figure out what the Incarnation means for us as humans has made me appreciate Christmas more than ever. We tend to focus on Christmas presents and traditions too much and we forget what it means that Christ had to become nothing to even live with us…let alone to die for us (Philippians 2). And so we will decorate our tree and take Christmas pictures. We will watch Christmas movies and listen to music and we will open presents and take down our decorations and then we will do it all again next year. And somehow, we will forget that Christ’s example of becoming nothing for our behalf should somehow inspire us to be nothing for those who are less fortunate than us. I ponder this now. But I may forget all of this come next May. And that is sad.


May we never forget. Ever.


I peered into little circles of Green Tea Ice Cream,
And found a dot really did exist in the middle.
It was a game to focus on that little dot,
But I lost…for I was overwhelmed with beauty,

Seven freckles sparkled especially bright that night.
They looked like the big dipper,
But maybe they just represented the days of creation,
Or the days between Jesus on a Donkey,
and Jesus resurrected from grave.

On Friendship

Over Thanksgiving weekend, I had the privilege to read The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. While I enjoyed what he had to say about love in general, I particularly enjoyed his section on friendship.

Friendship is often taken for granted. Sometimes we forget how particular friendships are formed or why we are friends with certain people, but we do not deny the necessity of their existence. We laugh with friends and we know who our friends are. We tell secrets to friends and we cry upon their shoulder when the situation presents itself. We build communities through friends and we destroy community through cliques.

To befriend someone with a similar mindset as yourself is the most natural ‘thing’ to do. A baby who sees another baby playing in the same crib already has the basic notion of friendship.

Philosophically speaking, some of the greatest minds ever (Aristotle & Cicero) have written about friendship and have both agreed that it is necessary for the betterment of the soul and for the building of community. It must happen between two good people who pursue similar interests. Moreover, both agree that a pure friendship is incredibly rare. C.S. Lewis states, “Few value it (friendship), because few experience it.”

Lewis gives an incredible picture of friendship when he states, “Hence we picture lovers face to face, but Friends side by side; their eyes look ahead.” When I think of two lovers, I immediately think of two people completely infatuated with each other that they can only stare at each other’s eyes hoping to reach the depths of the other person’s soul through the eyes. When I think of two friends, I picture two (or maybe more) virtuous people running a race or climbing a mountain together. If one pulls ahead, he pulls the other(s) up with him or he slows down so he can walk together with his friends. If a person falls behind in the race, he tries extra hard to catch up with his friend who is now ahead. The capstone of this picture is not necessarily about who is pulling who up, but it is about where their eyes lay. They look toward the end and they run together so that they pursue the end together. It seems that in love (eros), you are pursuing each other. In love (friendship), you are pursuing the interest or the end goal.

Practically however, friendships are always changing. My best friend in Junior High may not be the same best friend I have in college. And that is the problem with friendships. They cycle in and out at too rapid of a pace. People change and stop pursuing the same interests they once pursued. Because friendships are always changing and they rarely last a lifetime, the question to ask is either 1. What can we do to keep a friendship? OR 2. What should we try to get out of a friendship while they do last?

The latter question seems a little less hopeful and maybe slightly more utilitarian. Maybe we shouldn’t give up hope in friendships and we should invest into each person’s life as if our friendships with them is really going to last forever. Maybe we should be wise with how we invest ourselves and pick a few friends instead of many. Maybe we should treat friendship as strong as we treat eros. And once we do such, maybe we can understand the importance of investing your entire self into another person’s life.

“Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; Friends hardly ever about their Friendship. Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest. Above all, Eros (while it lasts) is necessarily between two only. But two, far from being the necessary number for Friendship, is not even the best…Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves.” - C.S. Lewis

On Thankfulness, Suffering, and Hope

My doctrine of Thanksgiving has always been misguided. More times than not, I would find myself thanking God in a prayer when something good happens in my life. Similarly, if a person does something nice for me, I would be sure to either say thanks or write them a thank you note. As I study Paul’s epistles this semester, I have found that thanksgiving is not only a statement of gratitude, it is a state one has before God.

What does such a state look like?

The closest answer I can conjure is the very command that held the law and prophets together. “Love God and your neighbor as yourself.” In doing so, it seems that we not only acknowledge God and his supreme state of authority over us, it seems that our mindset shifts into this putting a neighbor’s needs and desires above ours. Breaking down selfishness with love is the greatest visible act of thankfulness.

Our doctrine of suffering is another thing that has been misguided. I have been raised to think that suffering is bad and happiness is the greatest good. I would not dare say suffering is always good or that happiness is bad, but Apostle Paul is constantly thanking God for the times He suffers for Christ. In suffering, we are always acknowledging that we have a certain lack that only the Creator and Redeemer could fulfill. It seems that suffering is always strengthening us in some way or another, yet it is the very thing we pray to avoid. I shall not pray for suffering, but when we are weak, God is strong. It is so much easier to return to God in a prone position when we are suffering than when we are sitting atop a mountain of man-made jewels and beauty. Only when we lower ourselves to the state of being a bondservant for Christ, do we understand the need and even the beauty of suffering. Suffering deflates pride, encourages thanksgiving, and rearranges priorities.

I was asked to use three words to describe my experience in Mexico as my family played with children in an orphanage with several other families from our church. I picked peacefulness, sadness, and thankfulness.

Peace is quite a vague term. St. Augustine once stated, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” How is it then when my heart remains in a state of turmoil, could I find a quantum of solace in such a state? I was at peace about my direction in life. It seems like this past weekend, I was able to introspectively see how far my own emotions can take my thoughts, and yet I was able to find a small measure of peace in the fact that God has been guiding my hand throughout my life. Though I sometimes desire to choose my own path, I continue to wrestle with God down the path He has already carved for me. My heart has not rested, only because it has not fully rested in Him…and yet I could find a small measure of peace in the fact that He has held my hand through it all.

I was certainly sad as I drove past the villages in Mexico. Every time I visit a poverty stricken town, I must always re-evaluate what I am doing with my life and what my priorities are? Why do I worry about the foolish things I do when remembering forever can really put things in perspective. Coming off of a bittersweet weekend, I saw something more beautifully depressing than the tremor caused by a simple whisper.

Thankfulness. Once again I return to this word. As I ran around playing with the Mexican ninos on Thanksgiving weekend, I found myself thankful that I have been given the opportunity to serve. A part of me would have just liked to be home to rest, but I found myself enjoying myself the more I played with the children.

And now, as the fountain overflows with water and the strings from the violin ring out in perfect harmony, it is time to say goodbye. There is the power of touch, the tremor of whisper, the longing in the eyes, but there is indescribable beauty beyond all that. I hope against hope, as it says in Romans, but I hope for something far away…far too foolish of me but more beautiful than a spring flower or a blossoming rose. I hope for the horizon that is splattered with a bright red and a dimming orange. I hope not for the waning moon but the bright stars all around it, which shine brighter than the moon. I hope for you.

I will remain restless, until my heart rests in Christ.
I will remain hopeful, until my heart despairs
I will remain thankful, until I can serve again

And the Season's Change was a Conduit and we'd Left Our Love in Our Summer Skin

The first question that I will receive from my friends when I get back to Biola will be about my summer. Three quarters through my first summer after being away from summer, here is what I’ve enjoyed.

Relaxing and Leisure: It seems that throughout the course of a semester and even a year, stress takes its annual toll on me so the summer made a great way to relax. For the first month while I was not working, I found that I had a hard time balancing relaxation without falling into sloth. In the end, I made my schedule busy so that I would feel like my summer was accomplished. Looking back, those brief moments of leisure I had at the beginning of summer are moments I would like to relive once school starts again.

Reading: While I have not delved into Torrey reading as much as I would like to, I reread some books I read during the summer. I absolutely loved my read through A Severe Mercy, The Picture of Dorian Gray, and What’s So Amazing About Grace. Moreover, I found a new interest in reading poetry (as well as writing some). Currently, I am traveling through ‘Inferno’ with Dante and Virgil and am amazed about epic poetry.

Joni and Friends Family Camp: I’ve already talked about the amazing time I had at the camp a couple of weeks ago. Not a day goes by where I haven’t thought about all those amazing campers and STM’s. Even better is the fact that I still keep in contact with some people from camp.

Family: This should really be first, but seeing that there’s no particular order, I cannot express with typed words how much I’ve enjoyed being with my family this summer. Last week, my dad and I spent a week together and we had some good conversations about parenting, sports, missions trips, and growing up. It’s always great to gleam from his wisdom. Moreover, I’ve been able to spend some more time with my younger brother, Ryan. He’s grown up more than anyone since I’ve been away and it’s fun to experience life with him on a daily basis.

Spiritual Progress: As I am reading through Dante and his journey (through hell in Inferno), I have thought about how my spiritual growth is much like a journey. It’s a process of growth. Sometimes, it feels that my progress does not always have a positive slope, but I feel that it is something that is always growing nonetheless. One thing I have been thinking about is getting the most out of life. We’re Christians, but are we really living to the fullest? What does living to the fullest even look like? We can turn to Jesus when it comes to living a fulfilling life, but how much leisure should we incorporate into our life? Again, this is one of those areas of my life where I can feel fulfilled but still have an endless amount of questions on.

Work: I’ve already explained how I love working with children. Today, I overheard an interesting conversation with a boy and a girl.

Girl: I know where Jesus was born.

Boy: Jesus isn’t real. He’s like Santa Claus

Me: Why don’t you believe Jesus is real?

Boy: Because my friend goes to church and he always lies to me and gets in fights.

Me: Then who do you think made all these trees you see?

Boy: The Volcanoes

Me: But Volcanoes always destruct things…they don’t create things.

Boy: Yeah you’re probably right. Hey, can we play dodgeball later today?

Hmm…even children realize that the greatest witness for Christianity are Christians themselves.

All in all, I’ve had a fulfilling summer. I am starting to miss my Biola friends, but I know that once I go to Biola, I will miss my family and friends here. In the end, I have found that I must be content in all circumstances and locations I am in.

I am looking forward to the last several weeks I have of summer and I continually hope and pray that I can live the words I write in this blog. It seems that it is quite easy to write spiritually and live unspiritually. I have found that a completely honest person will live the way he writes. That is just one more challenge and risk you take when blogging. You must live the way you write.

I hope to write soon…

My week at Joni and Friends

Summing up my week at Joni and Friends is difficult to do in a blog. I went in without knowing what to expect and I left with a new perspective on people with disabilities. While I used to pity disabled people because I felt like they were missing out on life, I have realized that they’re not missing out at all. In my previous blog, I pondered the concept of child-like faith. Simple faith. Many of the campers I was privileged to work with had such a simple understanding of the Christian faith. Nevertheless, that did not prevent them from exhibiting the joy of the Lord in their life. Sometimes, I think that they’re not the ones missing out…maybe it is us (we who are packing our schedules to the brim, we who are being swallowed by the concerns of the world) who are really missing out on life. Moreover, I was taught that everyone is disabled in some way. While some have physical disabilities, others may have emotional or spiritual disabilities that are hidden from the world. In the end, we are all incapable in some way. The physically disabled must rely on the help of another, but we are all spiritually disabled without the assistance of God. I wish my words were convincing enough to make everyone go out and serve at a Joni and Friends camp. But alas, I have found that the joy in serving at JAF is something that I cannot adequately articulate through a blog. It is simply something you must do willingly and lovingly.

The camper I had was a boy who was 16 years old and he had down syndrome. Although it was hard to understand him at times, we had a lot of fun together. We did swimming, baseball, football, basketball, and we played at the playground. I learned a lot about patience from his parents and he taught me a lot about unconditional love and reliance. Not only did I have a great time with the campers, I also had a lot of fun with the fellow STM’s (short term missionary). It was great to see such a diverse group of people serving. They were encouraging and uplifting.

Luke 14:21 - Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame.'

This is a great inspiring video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qTiYA1WiY8

This is a poem about my camper, Scotty:

The long road was sprinkled with dirt from below,
Antique houses sat on one side; on the other laid a grassy knoll,
Sunlight poured down from the sky above,
Much like when the sky opened and down floated a dove,

I watched you dance for as long as I could,
And as you spoke, half of what you said was understood,
The other half fell upon the ears of the Heavenly Father,
As you smiled back into the crowd at your father,

Bringing back memories of me at three,
Together we conquered the slide and sat under a tree,
You talked to yourself like everything was grand,
You’re really no different; you’re still a part of God’s plan,

You ran around the bases as if rules did not matter,
And you swung the bat like you were a mean batter,
God’s love comes in different packages and you surprised even me,
For I was the one who needed to wash in the Jordan River so I could see,

We are all blind in some way or another,
And can we call ourselves Christians if we can’t serve our brother,
We are all sinful in some way or another,
And what is love except the love shown by all those mothers,

Tears flowed down my cheek,
As I learned many things in that week,
Love melted eyes that were haughty,
All because of a boy named Scotty,

What does it mean to have a child-like faith?

“Please God, make me a bird so I can fly far, far away from here.” When Jenny mutters those words with Forrest in a cornfield near the back of her trashy house, I cannot help but to acknowledge the beauty of that scene. The one thing I love about children is how quickly they can break a smile upon my face.

I have worked with children (K-3^rd Grade) for the last 5 years of my life. Back in May when I worked in an elementary school near Biola through the American Reads Program, I witnessed what I would call a normal act for a five year old, but something quite precious for even a busy college student like me. It was enough for me to mutter a simple prayer of thanks for the simplicity and innocence of children. One of the girls colored me a rose and handed it to me. To her, it could have been the David statue or the ‘The Scream,’ yet to the average person it was quite mundane. Then on my final day of work, all the children wrote a Thank you note for working with them and their reading.

This summer, I have once again had the privilege of working with children. Everyday we run summer camps much like VBS or day camps. There are songs and ice breakers in the morning, creek time, games, arts and crafts, kickball, whiffle ball and dodgeball. While the activities throughout the day can be mundane, it is truly the children who bring me joy in my job. One boy named Daniel (we like to call him Big-D) does the Chiggy dance like you’ve never seen one do it before, tries to freestyle rap, and he is a master at chess. He is only 5 years old and probably 3 foot nothing. The guy is hilarious.

It would exhaust my fingers to go into detail in why I love working with children. One of the reasons could be that their innocence allows you to lead them in the admonition of the Lord. They’re such simplistic and basic beings that I cannot help but to love their excitement for the unrecognizable events of the day. Everyday I scan the playground for rolly-polly’s with the children, push the screaming kids on the swings, and read Clifford and Dr. Seuss to them. Some could say that the reward is signing the paycheck every other week and others could say the reward is receiving a coloring of a rose by a 5 year old that couldn’t sell for a quarter. Either way, loving these children is a way for me to nostalgically recall my childhood and to realize the importance Christians can have on the tomorrow’s generation. It breaks my heart that many children who are quite innocent and cute now may end up living a life of the world in a short several years.

So if children are such basic and simple beings, why then does the Bible say to be like one? Matthew 18:1-6 states, “At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”

This passage teaches me several things:

• We are to have a child like faith
• One must humble himself as if he becomes a child to enter the Kingdom of Heaven
• There is great responsibility in bringing children up in the Lord

Thus, it appears to me that faith requires a simplistic nature. After discussing certain theological topics that I cannot wrap my mind around, I find it amazing that God calls us to simplicity and faith that is quite simple to enter the Kingdom of God. The purpose of changing and becoming a little one is to be humble. While the pursuit of truth is good for the soul, there is this ironic breakdown in which God calls us to be ‘simple like children’ so we may be humble. However, there is a problem I find with this, because literally speaking, children are hardly humble beings. It seems like they are always boasting about catching the biggest fish and telling about their day. How are we to be humble like children then? It is a question I cannot answer unless I examine the possibility that Matthew is talking about humbleness in their simplicity. Because a child’s intelligence is inferior to an adults, we adults must humble ourselves to the form of children to enter God’s Kingdom. Finally, the responsibility in raising children is quite a task. Matthew doesn’t use confusing language. He says, either raise a child in the Lord or lead him to sin and drown yourself in the depths of the sea. He leaves no room for error in the manner which children should be raised.

In the end, I cannot conclude my thoughts regarding this ‘childlike faith’ that Matthew requires us to have. Sure we are to pursue truth and be knowledgeable beings, but when all is said and done, all we need is humility and simple faith of a child. May the Lord bless everyone always. His faithfulness is everlasting.

Walking the Streets of Philadelphia

1. Sunlight pours in my window and as I continue to fight off a raging fever, it feels like I am trapped in an asylum. The birds are chirping and the song, ‘Words I Can’t Say’ softly come forth from my speakers. I thought about how much I like being alone sometimes and whether or not my introvert nature is a good or bad thing. It seems that I find myself less comfortable around people I used to be extremely comfortable with. I haven’t figured out yet if it is people also aren’t as comfortable around me as they once were, or if it is me who closes myself off to them. A line from Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz rings out as I entertain this process of self-discovery,

"If there was a guy who just liked being himself and didn't want to be anybody else, that guy would be the most different guy in the world and everybody would want to be him"

2. I just finished reading What’s So Amazing About Grace? by Phillip Yancey. It was a great read and it sparked a rather melancholy demeanor in myself as I have come to realize that Christians can be the most judgmental people. We who have been given the grace of God cannot find it in ourselves to extend this grace to others. As I read and became convicted throughout, I started becoming angry with myself for being so unforgiving and cold to those who need grace the most. As well as exploring topics such as forgiveness, Yancey touched on the topic of legalism. He talks about his experience at a Bible college that was so strict that its main focus became ‘to follow the rules’ instead of ‘to glorify God.’ Many Christians seem to abandon the idea of glorifying God in an effort to see what they can get away with when it comes to ‘the rules’ of Christianity. It really befuddles me how Christians are such sticklers for the rules when Christians should want to follow rules out of their love for God. Yancey states, “I have little resentment against these particular rules but much resentment against the way they were presented. I had the constant, pounding sense that following an external code of behavior was the way to please God.” In the end, Yancey compares legalists to the Pharisees. I took a mirror into my own life and realized how often I do things to ‘please God’ and not necessarily out of my love for God. It was a quite convicting read.

“We walked ankle deep in the ocean
You know the place where footprints disappear”

3. Love. Lately I’ve thought a lot about love. This topic is so grand and magnificent, that I cannot cover it in a blog. The only thing I can conclude is that I want to love like Christ loved humanity or like a mother loves her child. It seems that we cannot be loved unless we ourselves love others. It seems that the question must first be asked what is love? We know from I Corinthians 13 that which love does. It makes one patient, kind, forgiving etc. It seems the closest I can come to a definition is sacrifice. Love is laying down your desires for the desires of others. But then again, I am still in a process of self-discovery and maybe I don't know a thing about love.

Sparkling eyes, dry yourself of the tears you cry,
Hope is not lost until you say the final goodbye,
A lament in the form of belief is a beautiful thing
Like lofty grandeur and the bird that sings

Love emptied Himself out to give life to the dead,
Like a pencil that gives away all of its led,
Today I will write about Love,
Today I will see it descend in the form of a dove,

Life gives birth to that which is bittersweet,
Like an artist who depicts depression on every street,
Painting that which cannot be repaired again,
A master plan that needed not a mend,

The four holes which spoke of the greatest love,
Was all it took to kill thy Father’s dearest dove,
Oh how I now see…goodbye is no more,
And Love now speaks to me upon the shore,

Thy sheep are fed, but my task is not yet done,
There is still the poor to feed and still plenty of sun,
Faith calls my name across that same ocean shore,
Where I shall stay until I come home to an open door,

The door opens and I am blinded by what I see,
It isn’t gold but only the poor people smiling back at me,
There is a melody and I catch the form of Beauty,
And I drop to my knees as Love stares back at me,

Why Should Christians Blog?

After joining the Godblogcon team (www.godblogcon.com) where I am the Director of Marketing, I have thought a lot about the nature and beauty of blogging. Godblogcon is a conference that takes place in September at the Las Vegas Convention Center under the umbrella of Blogworld and New Media expo. GBC hopes to influence Christians bloggers by discussing ideas pertinent to well-written blogs. As I spend more time working to raise the last few thousand dollars GBC needs in sponsorships, I have realized that working with GBC has taught me way more than just business and marketing. It has enforced the idea in me that Christians should blog. There is a voice in every single one of us believers and there is an untapped market that is being tapped into with secularism, politics (this it not necessarily bad), and narcissism. What if Christians used the art of blogging to reach the ends of the earth? What if we can have our voices heard so that we may strengthen others to live better lives? Can technology really be used to fulfill the Great Commission?

As a way to pique my interest and to see which of my friends would blog; I have asked some of my friends to blog, and in return I have found that the most common response to such a request is either one has a lack of time, one rather keep his or her thoughts private, and finally, one has nothing good to talk about and he or she must wait until the perfect opportunity to drop the perfect and most thought-provoking blog ever. Ninety percent of the time, ‘lack of time’ is a poor excuse, because often we are able to fill our days with most anything that does nothing to enhance our soul. The second excuse may be the most understandable. Some people rather keep their thoughts in a private journal or keep their thoughts to themselves. I have nothing wrong with a journal. I myself try to keep one as well. This is slightly understandable because some people are often more private than others. However, the story of the parable of the talents comes to mind, and are we burying our talent or are we using our keyboard to put our thoughts on paper so that others may learn to grow in the Lord? In the end, it seems that refusing to blog because one rather be private in his spiritual journey is somewhat of a hindrance to ones spiritual growth. Much like The Picture of Dorian Gray, a blog reveals the soul of a Christian to a certain degree. Our souls are exposed like the painting of Dorian. What do others see? Do they see youth and beauty or do they see the soul wanting to be locked away out of mere astonishment of its horridness. Let us expose our thoughts if we have nothing but beauty to show. Let others see the light of Christ moving in our lives. In a way, blogging keeps one accountable to his or her spiritual growth. Moving on, the third excuse seems the most ridiculous. Rome was not built over night and even the greatest authors did not submit their best work the first time around. (Jack London’s experience in Martin Eden is an example of such). However, if you have something pertinent to say, let it be heard (This seemingly nonchalant attitude about blogging does have a danger in that it could be done poorly or in a narcissistic manner). Also, are not our thoughts to be constantly focused on the praise and love of Christ?

Narcissism is the greatest danger to blogging. Blogging is an art and like all art, it should be done well. Because a blog tends to be more subjective to one's opinion, it is easier for that person to focus on the events, musings, and ideas of his or her life rather than focusing on objective matters. Focusing on subjective matters in itself is not a bad thing. As a matter of fact, it wouldn’t be a blog if it wasn’t a single person writing about his events, musings, and ideas about life. Nevertheless, there seems to be a tendency in blogs to have narcissistic undertones. The easiest way to avoid narcissism is to write a blog in a similar manner that St. Augustine wrote Confessions. The genre of the autobiography has become very narcissistic over time, but Augustine’s confessions were nothing but praise for the Lord and His ability to direct him from wickedness to salvation. Augustine writes, “I intend to remind myself of my past foulnesses and carnal corruptions, not because I love them but so that I may love You, my God. It is from love of your love that I make the act of recollection. The recalling of my wicked ways is bitter in my memory, but I do it so that you may be sweet to me, a sweetness touched by no deception, a sweetness serene and content” (Book II). This indirectly answers my question which initially proposed me to write this blog in the first place. How are Christians supposed to blog? After all of this, I don’t believe there is a correct way for Christians to blog as long as they do it well, show no trace of narcissism, and write in a manner that glorifies God. One can write about sports and his love for sports using an appreciation of the Lord that he has created man to play sports. One can write about politics and praise the Lord that He has the world in the palm of His hand no matter who wins or loses the Presidential election. As Christians we have a great influence on who hears us and blogging is just one more venue that any person can enter. Can we reach the ends of the earth through technology? Can we influence other Christians to be better Christians? Can we in all our ignorance and simplicity be a lamp of God’s love shining brightly through the words He compels us to write and the thoughts He empowers us to think? Let not your ink run dry from your pen and let not your fingers tire from the pounding on the keyboard. May your thoughts be an eternal flame that points to the love of God. May others see Him.

Three Books Worth Reading This Summer

1. A Severe Mercy I have never been engrossed with the story of one’s life so much as I was while reading Sheldon Vanauken’s A Severe Mercy. I read it during my Junior year of high school and sort of forgot about the story altogether. Then I went to a discussion on it in Berkeley and decided to peruse Sheldon Vanauken’s heartfelt story once more. Letting the pages tell the story, I remembered that it was a beautiful story that did not apply to me because I wasn’t in love. Reading it a second time through opened my eyes to the broader aspect of the story other than the near perfect love Sheldon and Davy shared. As a matter of fact, the grief aspect of the story took me to the brink of tears and as Sheldon whispers, “Oh love” many times over to Davy, I couldn’t help but to picture myself in the shoes of Vanauken as I stared down significant grief. C.S. Lewis’ surefire wisdom even falters during his own moment of grief as he experiences loss of a similar magnitude. A Severe Mercy ignites one to ask so many questions…“How are Christians supposed to love (eros)? What was good about sharing and doing everything in common? Why do we grieve death of another believer when we know their soul lies in eternal peace? How can one obtain the same inloveness that the Vanaukens obtained?”

I’d spent much time thinking about the questions the story presented without actually letting it sink into any personal application. After time passed and I thought of the story in terms of personal application, the question I found myself asking was, “What is my severe mercy?”…my shining barrier that God must rip away for me to be in complete “inloveness” with God. God had to take Davy from Sheldon so that he could grow to love God. Thus, the very thing Sheldon loved was taken away from him so that he could find True Love. Lewis says it was a severe mercy for God to do so. Severe because it was harsh? Or severe because it was absolutely and painfully necessary? God is taking something away from me that I do not want to let go and in the end, I will find it to be a severe mercy. Harsh…yet necessary. If you have not read the book, you should do so. It is good for your soul. If you have read it, than feel free to share your ideas.

2. Another great book to consider is Frederick Douglass’ Autobiography. I received this book when I was accepted to Torrey and thought, “cool book…maybe I’ll read it sometime.” In this book, I found the life of Frederick Douglass to be much like Augustine’s in Confessions. While Augustine admits that he should have “found’ Christ at a much earlier stage in life, Frederick laments the fact that God is even merciful for allowing slavery to exist. Either way, both men realize that their actions throughout the course of life were a direct result of Providence leading them to their respective state of finding Christianity. Men like Douglass motivate me to work my tail off at everything. Through his grief-ridden story, Douglass was able to find the hand of God directing him to salvation.

While the story of Douglass is compelling and heart-wrenching, the most powerful part is his appendix where he writes of slave owners, the slavery scene, and America in general, “Dark and terrible as is this picture, I hold it to be strictly true of the overwhelming mass of professed Christians in America. They strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel. Could any thing be more true of our churches? They would be shocked at the proposition of fellowshipping a sheep-stealer ; and at the same time they hug to their communion a man-stealer, and brand me with being an infidel, if I find fault with them for it. They attend with Pharisaical strictness to the outward forms of religion, and at the same time neglect the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith. They are always ready to sacrifice, but seldom to show mercy. They are they who are represented as professing to love God whom they have not seen, whilst they hate their brother whom they have seen. They love the heathen on the other side of the globe. They can pray for him, pay money to have the Bible put into his hand, and missionaries to instruct him; while they despise and totally neglect the heathen at their own doors.

Such is, very briefly, my view of the religion of this land; and to avoid any misunderstanding, growing out of the use of general terms, I mean, by the religion of this land, that which is revealed in the words, deeds, and actions, of those bodies, north and south, calling themselves Christian churches, and yet in union with slaveholders. It is against religion, as presented by these bodies, that I have felt it my duty to testify.

Like so many unbelievers note, Douglass states the greatest turnoff to Christianity are Christians who don’t act like Christians. Even though it is important to note that the context of Douglass’ appendix was in light of the slavery movement during America (and thus the crimes of the religious may have been more extreme), the similar could be said of Christians today. Before Vanauken was led to Christ, he writes,

"The best argument for Christianity is Christians: their joy, their certainty, their completeness. But the strongest argument against Christianity is also Christians - when they are sombre and joyless, when they are self-righteous and smug in complacent consecration, when they are narrow and repressive, then Christianity dies a thousand deaths."

3. Job. The book of Job is terribly frightening and depressing. Depressing because Job’s laments bring sorrow to anyone’s heart. Frightening because it allowed me to realize that even though one can be entirely righteous such as Job, God can be far. In the eyes of God, Job was blameless (1:1). When calamity struck Job, he stated, “The Lord giveth and the Lord hath taketh. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” In all this, Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong” (1:22). Nevertheless as Job cries out for the Lord to be with him and he cries out for the Lord to have mercy, the Lord does not respond. It may be one of those remarks such as, “The Lord answers prayer with Yes, No, or Wait…” But here was a completely blameless man seeking the will of God and desperately looking for the hope in God, and yet God did not comfort Job in his grief and sorrow. It is utterly frightening and completely appalling. There are times when we can try utter hardest to search for God, and yet He feels so distant. Is this a result of our own spiritual slothfulness? Or must we be patient and wait on the Lord (Isaiah 40:31)? Job was eventually blessed…but it seemed completely despairing that a completely righteous man such as Job called for comfort and received none. The point of this is not to say that God is distant from us…but it is to note that God will test us and will maybe even be far from us no matter how desperate are cries are. Seek the Lord and you will be find Him. Continuously seek the Lord and you will retain Him.

Dreaming of the Osaka Sun

I have recently taken a liking to reading and writing poetry. I am still learning how to do both well for I believe reading and writing poetry could quite possibly be one of the most difficult things to do well. I have recently been thinking about how I often care too much about my own satisfaction without caring about others. I realize that there is a lot of pain in the world and that I cannot serve everyone all at once, but I believe one thing I can do to take a step in the right direction is to care less about myself and more of others. Our theology must become our doxology and in the end, knowledge can be dangerous if we do not apply it to living well. “Much will be required from everyone to whom much has been given. But even more will be demanded from the one to whom much has been entrusted." - Luke 12:48. In the end, I feel that the more knowledge I obtain through my education at college, the more I am to serve in some way. I am not exactly sure how this looks like quite yet, but pray that I receive this understanding.

One thousand tears fall silently to the ground,
Dropping like lead weights that make no sound,
I walk past each falling tear and trudge along life,
Singing my own tune and exaggerating my trivial strife,

The children are crying while the mothers beg for food,
Agony strikes at the heart and yet fortune eludes,
I ignore each pang of their heart and trudge along life,
Singing my own tune and exaggerating my trivial strife,

Years pass and lust finds the virgin at fifteen,
And one more soul is added to the pregnancy scene,
I scorn their sin and help not as I trudge along life,
Singing my own tune and exaggerating my trivial strife,

Separation strikes when the rose petals are crushed to the floor,
The father who once loved his wife cannot love anymore,
I pity the children who go unloved and trudge along life,
Singing my own tune and exaggerating my trivial strife,

An aspiring young artist is deceived by false beauty,
As his sown seeds are swallowed by the sea,
He becomes the dried out fruit that perishes on the tree,
And he dies begging the Lord for some mercy,

In the end there is something more than trivialities,
Especially when life is nothing but reality,
And all we can do is watch brutality become mortality,
Yet we looking close our eyes as if it is all normality,

1st Post: Peeling Skin

Summer has been peaceful. There is a consistent cycle of sleeping in late, reading books, and eating home cooked food. As I was reading the Voyage of the Dawn Treader, there is a conversion that Eustace experiences. C.S. Lewis describes it as peeling back layers of skin. It was a painful process but it was a necessary process. My layers of sin are being continually peeled back and as I fall into a state of perpetual sin, I have realized that I can no longer do the peeling, but I must rely on my Lord to peel back my skin.

One thing I have been thinking about a lot is prayer and how I don’t do it enough. It is cliché to say I don’t pray enough, but the quantity of prayer isn’t even what I am talking about. I speak about the quality of a prayer. More often than not, a prayer is something that I do subconsciously and it is not something I immerse myself in. I find that I can immerse myself into my friends, my reading, my daily activities, but I find it difficult to immerse myself into my communication with my Lord. Augustine’s Confessions was really an acknowledgement of praise and his book became an auto-biography of praise. How much of our daily time is spent confessing or praising or thanking God? When we do ask for supplementary needs, how much time are we praying for ourselves and how often are we praying for others? It seems that our lives should be a constant revelation of God’s grace in our lives. It is quite difficult for me to live in this manner. I fear that the more difficult this becomes, the closer I approach the danger of spiritual sloth.

After taking business classes at Biola, I have acknowledged that ethical dilemmas are a part of business. People say that business is a lucrative field. It is that, but it is also a very ethically challenging field. Yesterday as I was serving beer to clearly plastered customers, I was presented with an ethical dilemma that I hadn’t really thought about. It suddenly struck me that a beer I was serving could be the beer that kills an innocent driver on the road. A friend of mine said that they are responsible for their actions and it is their free will to choose. Yes, but at what point are we (who have a clear conscious) responsible for their actions and at what point should we have stopped selling beer to drunk customers even if it meant less business? I can’t say that it surprised me to see so many people throwing their lives away on $8.75 beer cups, but I would say that it surprised me to see me selling them something I only knew would hurt them.

I shall have to end my first post abruptly. But before I go I want to add that I wish you all would blog. I think it is absolutely amazing to be able to share in each other’s lives and to be able to delve into each other’s lives. I shall hope to update this somewhat frequently, although I cannot promise to update as frequently as you all shall like.